My Thoughts . . . . . .

Another Trip Home . . . . . . .
My second trip home since my dad left us in body. It just doesn't seem to get any easier and in some respects it just gets harder. My father made a beautiful home on the golf course and spent hours and hours in the yard and house and now my mother isn't able to keep everything up herself and so my father's beautiful yard is dying and mom is having things taken out to limit the upkeep. I don't blame mom because she has to make things easier for herself but it just breaks my heart.

Sometimes I think that when I return home things will be better; things will have changed and perhaps maybe Dad will be there even though I know he won't. It is hard from the moment we step off the plane and he isn't at the gate to meet us and tell us how much he loves us, he isn't at the house in body when we arrive, he isn't in the sunroom when we wake up to greet us and he isn't there to let Morgan drive the golf cart. He is absent. He is missing. He is missed.

However, for me being able to come in and greet his ashes in there container is a blessing. I always greet him with a kiss and when I depart I always say goodby and give him a kiss. When i do my mother's "honey do" list for 11 days makes me feel my father's great spirit. He loved taking care of my mother and she misses that so those few days I am able to take his place makes my heart happy. I have painted, cleaned ovens, changed light bulbs, cleaned skylights, covered shelves in contact paper, soaked fruit trees, picked up old fruit, straighted out telephone bills, and the list goes on and in most cases I might have returned home tired but I feel like it is the only bit of time I can give to my mother ever 6 months that she can feel taken care of and loved like only my dad could love her.

Leaving this morning is heartwrenching for me. I spent the whole trip home in tears . . . . I hate leaving my mother, I hate leaving the home that carries the spirit of my father and it just reminds me so much what we lost. I have to say we have mentioned lots of good things this year . . . a new granddaughter which we couldn't love more, a new son in law and of course our eldest daughter who has made us proud in her new role as mother and wife. However, all the good doesn't make what we lost better it just makes us wish "our hero" was around to witness his great grandaughter and his new grandson in law but life goes on and another day begins to end . . . . .