September Days
Well Fall is in the air . . . . . Kids are off to school, I am back at work full time, and my birthday is just around the corner again. It just seems as if the days won't slow down even though I cry out for them to slow down.
Since my last blog Cathy lost her "Sweet Lou" and so many of the children I follow on Cambridge have gotten their angel wings. Kari is still missing her Kevin and Michelle her Dave and Cheri her Fred and the list goes on. One of the teachers in our immediate area has a wife with brain cancer and it is looking bleak and he won't return in the Fall to teach and he says to me "I don't know what Winter is going to bring; I don't know where I am going to be; I don't know if she will be with me." How very sad and what do you respond "nothing" because in my heart I know that Winter is not going to bring good things for him; the road isn't going to get easier and he may be alone and join Kari, Michelle, Cathy, Cheri and all the others who miss their partner so very much.
I miss my own dad so much in September; the month of my birth. Last year it was still such an open wound that I told my mom "I have called off my birthday don't send a card or anything." She was so good and respected my wishes. I could not bear to get a birthday card signed "Love Mom." This year I thought it would be better but as we began September I immediately told mom "don't send a card, don't send anything." It's been just over a year but for some reason I still can't imagine seeing a birthday card with "Love Mom." I still want it to say "Love Mom and Dad" and it never will. Even though the last 7 years of his life we were seperated by miles and miles he always stayed up till midnight and called my work phone so when I got to work the first message was from him say "happy birthday baby girl" even though I am 40 plus. There was always a email from him telling me for the 40 plus time about the night I was born anad how proud he was to have a daughter and how proud he still was of me. Then he always called before I went to bed that night so he was the last one to wish me a happy birthday. My birthday will come again on the 23rd of this September and next September and then the next but it will never be the same; never ever.
So Fall is here again . . . . . .enjoy what use to be my favorite season of the year.
3 comments:
Sue I am sorry Sept. is such a hard month for you. I can understand what your saying. Unfortunatly we all have these times. These are the things that make me ask is life fair. As life goes on it is normal that our folks will go before us. So then I wonder why is it so hard. (maybe because of their age) No matter what our age we still need our parents. When times are good we need to call them to tell them about it, when times are hard we need to call them to have them tell us it is ok. When it comes to our parents we are always children. Children need parents. As I write this I realize what I am saying. You and I have to be happy we are at the age we are. We have had both parents when we were teenagers, young adults, graduated from college and had our dads to walk us down the aisle at our weddings. We had our parents here to see our first child born. They were here to tell us how proud they were of us. I go from feeling sorry for myself or for you when I realize the people you have mentioned in this post Michelle,Cathy, Kari and Cheri and there are many more who's children won't be able to say the same about one or both of their folks.
Arn't we so very lucky to have the wonderful memories we have of our parents. Even if they hurt. Birthdays are one of those days I would prefer as Cathy put it so well to just crawl under the covers and not come out till it is over. I am very lucky to have wonderful friends who won't let me do that and it always seems by the end of the day I am happy they haven't let me. Even tho the day hurts very much. I will be thinking of you this month and praying you have wonderful memories of you dad on your very special day. Hoping your friends and family bring some joy to your day.
Sue thank you for giving me the chance to think this through in my mind and to think of others who are missing more than I am.
Have a great week as fall is here and the beginning of a new school year soon.
As hard as it is for you to receive a card signed just from "mom", imagine how difficult it must be for your mom to sign one just "mom" after all these years. You both lost a wonderful man. Maybe this year could be the time you reach out and help your mom to heal, by showing her how important she is to you independent of your dad. I know that this is a difficult time for you. Try to have a good month, and a happy birthday, too!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUE, HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY.
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