My Dearest Friend

My dearest friend for over 20 years, my husband and friend Tom.

He's sick, he's really sick this time. I don't think we have ever had him this sick. It is something new for us because he is usually the one who does things in the back ground and probably is the one who is least appreciated for all he does. Not any more.

About three weeks ago he called me at my office and said "Sue, I have to go to the walk in" and I remember being really busy and I said "Can't it wait!" I feel so bad for that now. He left work and drove himself. He called to tell me he had pneumonia and they told him he should be admitted to the hospital but he was going home. I remember driving to Rite Aid to get his meds and another doctor calling me on the cell phone and asking me all these questions. All I really remember from that conversation is "If he gets worse don't come to the walk in dial 911." He got my attention. The next few days were rocky; no sleeping in our house. We saw his own doctor who was immediately distressed and ordered oxygen 24/7 at the house. It ws pneumonia alright and he was not getting enough oxygen.

Almost three weeks later and he hasn't worked, the oxygen is still on and he looks so sick and can't breadth. Tomorrow we start tests for the lungs; then we will see a pulmonary specialist. The doctor says it's more than the pneumonia and we have to find out what it is. In some respects yes lets find out and in others it's better not to know; then you don't have to face it. This way it's like the elephant in the room. The one you can't see.

For weeks we all three stayed in the house and just watched him; I think he got sick of us. For two days now I have been going to work but always near in mind wondering if he is ok. However, it is better than 24/7 in the house listening to the oxygen machine, wondering what lays ahead, wondering if it will have to become the way of life?

Sometimes I feel guilty knowing others have lost their loved ones, mine is here, we have faith he will get better yet it is hard.

I find myself busy all the time; doing it all at home and now back at work. Somehow busy is better. Somehow having to be out there when people say "How is Tom?" is hard. After about 3 explainations a day I am in tears, crumbled and worried. It is better to not talk about it, to be away and remember happier and healthier days.

We love him, we won't forget it and we know healthier days are coming soon.