My Thoughts . . . . . .

August begins tomorrow -- where did summer go . . . . Soon we will be leaving the hot days of summer and begin the cool days of Fall. I would hope to tell you that my heart is better and no longer aches for my dad, but I can't. It just seems that every time I turn around something just shouts his name out or someone looks like him or we see something and I can just see my family hold their breadth in hopes no one says anything, because they know by now it will start me crying and they don't want that. Some days I think they get sick of it and rightly so after all its been two years and everyone says it gets better, but bad news for me it hasn't and I don't think it will. My dear friend Connie is right there with me two years since her mother died and she feels the same way. I read blogs of others who have lost loved ones; friends like Chelle and Cathy who have lost spouses and they are still so sad and I think "they were their spouses Sue, it is harder for them you should be getting better" but I don't know why but I'm not. I am thankful for Connie who reminds me it is ok not to be better. I think maybe I should let my Cambridge/blog friends go and then I would heal faster, but I can't because somehow that makes it better -- it makes me feel ok to feel the way I do. I have found in the past two years I am able to get an incredibly amount of stuff done in a 24 hours period and I never sit down. My mother-in-law who just moved in across the street from us always says "how come you do so much in one day, why don't you just rest?" I am pretty sure after thinking about that it is because I am afraid to stop and think, it is best to keep busy. SO when I am not at work, producing Children's Theatre, working concessions almost every night of Cinderella or making freezer jam, my new hobby (I have made nearly 50 containers this month) I find something out constructive to keep my mind busy. So there you have it, another boring blog about how terribly I miss my dad. Of course as I said Fall is around the corner and my birthday is in September and he was the biggest Birthday Fan. He was the first to call on that day and the last to call on that day. I miss him more than words can say; after all he was my Best Friend.