Fall Thoughts . . . .
I am going to try this post one last final time -- do you know this is effort number four.
September is almost over and October is upon us with witches, pumpkins, ghosts and candy. I always dread September but in a way when it is gone it leaves kind of a sadness in my heart. For the first time this year I received a birthday card signed Love Always Mom; you see last year she didn't send one at my request but she did this year and it still feels like someone has stabbed me in the heart. I know it must be hard for mom too.
Several weeks ago I was feeling so wiped out and really feeling alot like how much more of this can I take. It has been over a year and NO it didn't get better and in some respects it has gotten worse. Your not in this fog anymore you are in reality that it is indeed real. Thank goodness I have friends that know it doesn't get better that it is still ok to cry to offset those who think "My God isn't she ever going to be better; after all its been a year."
Well, after over a year of non sleeping, uncontrolled blood pressue, non exercise and just plain not feeling better I decided no more it was time to improve my person so I made an appt. with my Physician to get a better start. Of course I have made this appt. a lot of times (at least 10) over the past year but this time I actually kept the appointment. I spoke to her honestly and we both cried (yes the Physcian cried too) and then we made some decisions.
I am going to fight the blood pressure with better eating choices and taking my medication on a regular basis not a hit and miss basis. I am going to try to walk at least once a day for 30 minutes and maybe even twice. Yesterday I walked to work (about 2 miles) and although there were moments I wondered I made it. I believe my dad was on my shoulder encouraging me). Sleep which is a big issue -- only about 3 to 4 hours per night. I attribute that to spending the last two weeks of my dad's like 24/7 next to his hospital bed as he screamed in pain and finally our move to Hospice Care where he died in my arms. I remember his eyes popping wide open and looking at me and my eldest daughter running to get the nurse to save him and he drew his last breadth. Unlike the dream I want to have of him healthy and happy and talking to me I only see the end and so I don't sleep well. Although Doctor Sophia believes by using a sleeping aid for a month or so it could get me in a regular sleep pattern again. I disagree but I am going to try so keep your fingers crossed.
My dad would want good health for me; he would not even hope for peace and no sadness because he knows that would not happen.
So as September leaves and October begins hopefully lifechanges will begin.
3 comments:
Sue good luck and I am glad you have made these choices. It is hard to admit but we can only choose to make us better. As much as we (me included) wish someone else could do it for us we need to do it for US. I hope it works out for you and I know your dad would want it to also. He does not want you unhappy and unhealthy.
I will keep checking in on you and give you encouragement to keep up the good work. I know we each are aware of how much better we would feel with more exercise, better choices and of course more sleep.
Keep up the good start.
Sue,
Okay, again we are in sync! I, too, have just met with my doctor to make some choices to begin to take better care of myself. So you have a partner in this new place of healthy foods, exercise and sleep...oh, and cutting down on the caffiene! Easier said than done, we all know what we should do, and when we spend a lot of time taking care of others, it's hard to remember to take care of ourselves. Here we go, friend, here we go!
Sue,
Thank you so much for taking the time to find a way to write to us! Your support and prayers mean the world to us; I don't know where any of us would be at this point without all of you. My prayers are with you as you continue on your own journey towards better health.
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